I slept at 2 last nite n miraculously i ws sleeping without waking in the middle at all until 7.41 in the morning.. My phone rang n it woke me up. I thought it ws my mom giving me ms call to wake me up n ask me to do chores or smtg so i ignored the vibration n continued rolling to the other side n tried to sleep again. Bt then tis sudden thought hit my mind of wether it might be frm him. A part of me ws telling me nt to get too high cz..it might nt be him as i din expect tat he wud send me gud morning msg. bt at the same time another part of me ws praying tat it ws him.. Then i woke up n took my phone n saw his name.. I fell back on my bed n opened the msg, n it said "gud morning sweetheart :* " I took back my blanket n tugged myself back into it n closed my eyes wit the widest smile of mine on my face n a big breath of relief... For a moment.. i ws just closing eyes n thinking of hw he ws there wit me in the clinic , held my hand so tight wen i slide mine into his n kissed me without even asking me wat happened. He knew tat i needed him at tat time n he comforted me with no questions asked... i cudnt speak a word.. i just grabbed his sleeve..he looked at me in the eyes n said.." i love you.." 

Wat more cn i ask for baby..? Wat more cn i say...? Wat more cn i expect to happen..? except...except being there wit u.. Just hvg u by my side..Wat more do i need baby...? I don't.. i really don't..Even if the world meets an end...I wont care,As long as u r by my side,.i cn close my eyes forever by looking into ur's.. finding my comfort in ur arms heat.. It's enough baby. I'd experience heaven even before i'm even judged to go to either one..

My heart has been torn off sooo many times...It's in pieces..n aft a whole year..i'm still picking them up one by one trying to stick them together day by day wit every looks tat he gives me..Everytime his eyes meet mine i smile..T.T It's nt a simple courtesy of greeting..it's just..it's smtg wat really means to me. Only i wud noe hw it feels to live without those eyes..cz i honestly...honestly...honestly..did nt fall for him just like tat.. Both him n i noe hw much i thought n hw much courage it took me to actually tell him hw i felt abt him.. He had to force me n trigger me sooo much b4 i told him tat i like him.. It was b'cz it ws nt easy..T.T i thought..i thought he wudnt accept me..i thought i ws nt his type..n i din even noe hw shud a relationship be or wat happens in a relationship.. I even thought tat he wudnt want me cz..i'm nt pretty...n..we're in different religion..n..i dun noe..Bt once i spilled it out..the next second..i was literally closing my eyes n my heart ws pounding so hard tat it cud just burst out off my chest..N his reply ws simply "woooooooooooohoooooooooo" All i ws saying wen i read tat was.. Tis guy is crazy. Tis guy is Definitely crazy. He's out of his mind. Bt hey..we lasted...we really did..for one whole year...Stupid mistakes were made..Many break ups were done..Many arguments occured..many meetings were cancelled..Bt hey..we still held on strong to each other T.T i shudnt hv left him..i really shudnt hv..If i hadnt..none of tis wud hv been bothering him nor me right nw..He almost cried..he held my hand so tight..bt i held my heart stone like T.T I thought it ws the best for both of us baby..i really did.. i even consulted it wit u..we made a promise..I'm sorry baby..I really am..i'm really really sorry baby...i shudnt hv let u go baby..we shud hv just done the studying hard thing by staying together n motivating each other...with love..In tat case...both of us wud hv nt lost anything instead..our love wud hv grown much much stronger as it used to be...T.T

I used to hear tis song wen we first got together...Baby..u really made me feel like tis way.. the lyrics wic says " U showed me smtg tat i couldnt see..U opened my eyes n made me believe.." really happened baby..U showed me smtg tat i nvr knew abt love ever before...T.T

I just dun noe wat we r hvg between us... U hold my hand again..u kiss my forehead again..u make me feel tat u're always going to be there for me to cum inside ur arms..bt T.T I noe u baby..i've been ur's once completely... bt nw..it's different..there's sumthing i really miss in u.. Wen u said "i love you" it just...it really just slashed my heart...I found my eyes getting wet...I was speechless for tat 3 seconds...i had a gud look in ur eyes n ur face..to confirm tat it WS u who said tat.. It ws smtg tat i've always wanted to hear again...n smtg tat u used to say every single day for at least 20 to 25 times.. smtg i wud die to hear..n u Just told me just like tat... I just dun noe baby..I dun noe wether u actually love me or..or..u're going to just leave me again...T.T Baby..i'm nt the person who holds u back cz i need u..i'm the person who does anything..ANYTHING at all..to see u happy.. :) I told u before baby...i'd let u go..even if it kills me..T.T

Two minutes after saying tat i'm going to move on, i see myself waiting for u again T.T

Exactly hw i felt wen i ws loving u without u knowing it...T.T I noe tat i nvr wanted to post anything on my blog again..Bt rite nw..I hv completely lost everyone who listens to me..So i need my blog the most nw..