10/11/11
The day tat got me TERRIBLY confused! We were both chatting online in the afternun.. Tis day, i ws feeling much much relaxed..Cz i ws very sure of wat i ws abt to do. I made my decision of not telling him anything, ANYTHING AT ALL. I ws right. He's nobody. He's just...sumbody.. Sumbody tat attracted my feelings cz..cz he just has sum 'characteristics' in him tat is quite similar to wat i created in my imagination... I've made my decision.. Tis time, very sure. No confusion.. Not going to tell him. N no. I dun love him.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
9/11/2011
Two days before i told you everything tat i feel abt you.. I remember right on tis date, two years ago, i ws on phone wit my bestfriend alone in my room, walking back n forth, telling her abt tis strange feeling tat i'm getting on u..haha Of course,she was freaking out. I remember ensuring her tat i wont be "in love" wit you or smtg cz i hv nvr did it b4. N obviously i din even hv the plan to actually tell you all tis at all! I hung up then came online on msn.. Soon aft tat we chatted.. I began to tell you abt ray n tried to give u sum hints on hw i admire ur actions ar skul. Bt still i nvr wanted a relationship between us. It ws totally out of the option. I hated love! N i'm serious. I have never fallen in love b'cz i hv nvr had a good opinion abt any guys. All i noe ws tat everyone is the same. They'll be good the moment u see them, turn out to be the total opposite the moment you noe them.This ws exactly my poin of view. Even wen i felt tat u might be different frm the others, i kept on telling myself tat You'd be the same sooner or later too. I remember constantly murmuring to myself nt to say "i love you" to you. You nt showing any signs of noticing me just proved it to me tat i'm none other than any other girls tat u've known.. It was hurtful, bt i was very happy by just having you as my best friend. It ws more than wat i cud ever wish for :) .The main reason for me nt to tell you anything was tat.. i rather have you as my friend than a lover if my confession is going to ruin our friendship b'cz u dun feel the same way.
Two days before i told you everything tat i feel abt you.. I remember right on tis date, two years ago, i ws on phone wit my bestfriend alone in my room, walking back n forth, telling her abt tis strange feeling tat i'm getting on u..haha Of course,she was freaking out. I remember ensuring her tat i wont be "in love" wit you or smtg cz i hv nvr did it b4. N obviously i din even hv the plan to actually tell you all tis at all! I hung up then came online on msn.. Soon aft tat we chatted.. I began to tell you abt ray n tried to give u sum hints on hw i admire ur actions ar skul. Bt still i nvr wanted a relationship between us. It ws totally out of the option. I hated love! N i'm serious. I have never fallen in love b'cz i hv nvr had a good opinion abt any guys. All i noe ws tat everyone is the same. They'll be good the moment u see them, turn out to be the total opposite the moment you noe them.This ws exactly my poin of view. Even wen i felt tat u might be different frm the others, i kept on telling myself tat You'd be the same sooner or later too. I remember constantly murmuring to myself nt to say "i love you" to you. You nt showing any signs of noticing me just proved it to me tat i'm none other than any other girls tat u've known.. It was hurtful, bt i was very happy by just having you as my best friend. It ws more than wat i cud ever wish for :) .The main reason for me nt to tell you anything was tat.. i rather have you as my friend than a lover if my confession is going to ruin our friendship b'cz u dun feel the same way.
Friday, November 4, 2011
It was just different..Very different.. Things tat u say nw r creating a different feeling in me than before.. Last year, wen u tell me tat u love me, i just tell myself tat u r out of ur mind.. Bt nw wenever u say it, i feel as if it's nt real at all.. I dun noe baby.. Wen i'm very happy u r down abt smtg.. n wen u r happy i'm down abt smtg.. N wen we both r happy, suddenly smtg will happen frm sum1 else. Tat will then bring us both down.. We r still as crazy as before baby..i still do talk a lot, n u still do listen a lot to watever crap tat i talk abt.. Bt before, all i will be thinking abt wen i talk to u is tat wether u r actually listening or not or u got bored n stop listening eventually.. Bt nw, all i think abt wen i talk is tat...is tat if i'm nt wat u expected ur gf to be like or...i'm nt same as..."her"...I dun noe baby.. To be honest..ever since u left me..i've always has tis feeling in me tat..u left b'cz she's better..so i hv to be better than her to be gud enough... Tat is y wenever i talk..i stop n think wether there's smtg running in ur mind like.."she was nt like nish..I miss her" or...just smtg like tat...T.T it hurts to say bt tat is wat i hv been feeling... bt baby..This is the bottom line.. I love you.. I once did. N i nvr stopped.. Tat is y i still hv the same feeling n more for u nw than before.. Bt u r unable to see it cz..cz i'm always asking myself twice...wether i'm going to be left alone again.. if ever i am.. i'm just not gud enough..just not gud enugh for u baby..T.T
In short baby, i hv nvr, n will nvr let anyone to distract my feelings for u. I hv stood up to everyone who hv against it..even zahara.. I hv told her tat no matter wat she does nw is nt going to affect my relationship wit u... i hv told greg tat i love you n no one cn change it. I hv told my frens who said tat u just dun worth all my sufferings tat..u were the one..right into their eyes... I nvr give u up nor our love to anyone baby.. bt i feel tat i'm just giving it up to myself.. I hv the strength to stand up to everyone bt myself..I love you baby..tat's all i cn ever say...believe it or not..i do n i just dun care of wat any1 else say..i just hope tat u feel the same..
In short baby, i hv nvr, n will nvr let anyone to distract my feelings for u. I hv stood up to everyone who hv against it..even zahara.. I hv told her tat no matter wat she does nw is nt going to affect my relationship wit u... i hv told greg tat i love you n no one cn change it. I hv told my frens who said tat u just dun worth all my sufferings tat..u were the one..right into their eyes... I nvr give u up nor our love to anyone baby.. bt i feel tat i'm just giving it up to myself.. I hv the strength to stand up to everyone bt myself..I love you baby..tat's all i cn ever say...believe it or not..i do n i just dun care of wat any1 else say..i just hope tat u feel the same..
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