Do u noe tat wat hurts me the most is tat...even U dun get me... U nvr bothered to even msg me aft sum time to even check on abt hw i'm doing.... Bt me...I always check on u n noe wether u're ok or nt.. A little...hey, hw r u doing nw..? wont hurt u much wud it...? I just cared too much for u n it all just doesnt mean anything to u at all....I just dun noe hw much more u want to let me down.. Frm morning till night...i just keep on checking my phone eventhough i noe tat there wud be no msg frm u... Bt a part of my heart just keeps on craving for it.. I really just dun ask for much to anyone.. Actually i dun ask for anything frm any1.. I just ask it frm u...n tat's nt much cz..all i'm asking for is a tiny bit  of care...if tat 5 cent msg means so much waste for u to msg me..it's ok..u dun hv to.. Bt i'll just keep waiting... T.T stupid me... doesnt worth love..

U get wat i mean b'cz u were there before, Bt she just doesnt get it. Evertime i say smtg, she tinks tat i'm being mean! tat's b'cz she just doesnt noe me. She has nvr been there before. All i'm trying to tell her is tat.. Dun try to get me. B'cz u wont understand it tat fast.. C'mon..the guy tat has known me for 3 years still doesnt get me. I dun wish for u to get me in just a few mths. All i'm sayin is tat, u wont understand me cz u just dun noe me yet... Dun tink tat i'm mean at u cz i'm freaking nt.. I'm trying so hard to explain it to u bt u just dun get it. I just dun noe hw to make u to understand. U noe wat. nvm.... God.....HELP ME!! JUST TAKE ME WIT  U! i wont make ur life miserable too....i promise...T.T

Maybe one day... After 1 or 2 years..u'll tink of me again... Bt i wont be arnd by then... I'll just recommend u to listen to this song...
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzqWASHQ7Ao

I just may nt cum back to u wen u feel like u need me....

I din need any1 to help me out in my life.. I've been in my problems even wen u nvr entered my life. I was also going through it wen u were wit me. N hw did i manage to still be happy? B'cz...B'cz u were ard me... Just talking it out to u makes my burdens all gone in the thin air.. U noe tat's true b'cz i even told u tat. U din need to do anything to help me..u just hv to be there n listen..T.T Nw i lost the right to do tat too.. Nw i cnt say it to any1  anymore. Then y in all of a sudden u wanted to help me bt then ruin everything by revealing it to her??? U tink she'll help me?? Dont u noe tat she hates me?? Dont u noe tat i will nvr be intrested to share my personal things wit the ones whom i barely noe? I noe jessica ever since i came here. Even Jess doesnt noe everything abt my dad n me. Hw did u dare to say EVERYTHING to her? u cud hv atleast asked me...couldnt u..? N still u cn blame me for nt letting any1 to help me? Was wat she did was a help?? She almost made me to be freaking lonely girl wit just one msg to Nadia. No1 cud hv done any much of a help to me more than u. U just fail to noe tat?? 2 years ws nt enough for u to noe abt me? abt hw much i love u? n hw much i appreciate u? ?U still want to be treated wit vulgarities n everything? go ahead...Cz i may nvr be able to treat u like tat..

Me??? Y am I hurting u?? Tink again.. I've kept Enough hurt for myself without saying A WORD abt her to u. U noe her character n u cn still defend her frm Me..? She hurt ME. nt the other way arnd. If she wants u so badly..y the f*** did she sent me msgs to make me want to stay wit u?? it is just so clear tat she wants to rub it on my face tat "hey! he chose me nt u! so get out of here!" Let me tell u smtg girl...Love is NOT the way to hurt ppl.. U tried to hurt him wit love, n i managed to stop it. So u r very angry at me Thus, u just wanna get back at me. Go ahead. do wat u want. U said tat i'm a girl wit no heart. U noe wat my problem is?? My problem is tat i do hv heart wic is just too kind for u. Everytime u insult my love for him, i just shut up b'cz i din want to cause any fight. Bt tis one was jus too much... It just hurt me more wen he asked me wat is fucking wrong wit u.. T.T Wat's wrong wit me is tat i Freaking trusted u!! I really did... U r nw conversing wit her n scolding me. Do u even remember tat u told me she treats u more like a friend than a bf?? Do u remember scolding her twice or thrice b'cz of her attitude..? Do u remember telling me tat....u r finally wit sum1 ur own..? T.T I was stupid enough to believe everything u said.. nw u tell me.. who hurt who..? I dun like her. i really dun. n she doesnt too. Bt i still smile n talk infront of her wen i see her. Tanks to tat kindness..she is nw ruining my life.. She's telling u tat she doesnt bother abt me or pity me?? Let me tell u smtg, I dun FReaking want u to PITY ME! no1 has to hv sympathy on me! My best friend is asking me wat is my problem wit her, jess and ray. Wat am i suppose to answer them?? They were my world. If anything ruins my relationship wit my frens, I'm telling uj girl tat u just got urself in SO much of trouble. I tink i've been enough kind to u. U were just here for a few mths bt then u alredy created SO much of trouble.. U want him so much..take him.. Bt only if he wants to be ur's. This is the only thing tat i told u. Then u just started to throw vulgars n everything...U still expect me to just shut up then?? I tink i alredy noe u well enough. U just want him to defeat me n to be wit u infront of me. If tat's smtg tat u really want to do to me...Go ahead T.T he had killed me enough in my heart.. Tis is the onky thing tat he still did nt do..so..just let him to do tat too.. 

I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you..

I don't understand why God would let us meet
knowing that we could never be together
You don't know how hard it is to get over you....
when every time I see you, my heart begins to smile...

He means so much to me. I just wish he
knew because when I’m around him
the sky is a different blue and when he talks to me
my knees begin to shake.
The last thing I want is another heartbreak.
If he would love me like I love him
I could tell him that I will always be true
but when I try to talk, I just don’t know
what to say because I know he doesn’t feel the same way

The worst thing a guy can do
Is make a girl fall for him
When he has no intention on catching her

U made ur choice of sumone else over me thrice... Hw cn u ensure me tat it wont be easy for u to de same thing again..? Maybe if she cums back..u wont even look at me again.. U kept on leaving me over n over..is b'cz u noe tat no matter wat..i'll be still waiting there for u.. Bt ws it wrong for me to feel the same abt u..? I ws always disappointed b'cz u nvr did.. Still..i waited. I just feel so stupid.. Maybe it's just me. I tink i'm just nt gud enough to love sum1 or to be loved By sum1. I tink the girls u chose over me were much much better.I tink i shud learn hw to love sum1 frm those girls. They r so much better than who i am. Maybe i need to change.. Maybe my love was just overwhelming for u so..u din want it. It's ok... I've learnt it nw. 

I have been crying a lot lately. Like a lot alot. Well anyway today, ntg much happened at skul. Just little bit of tears n a lot of talks. N yea today i was actually supposed to go and buy my mom her face cream. She has been askin me for two days BT c'mon! It's like all the way at Geylang! N the person who brings me there is not even looking at my face anymore. Hw wud i ask him like Oh wat bus do i take? -.-" I mean..i asked my fren to ask him bt apperently she is more interested to ask him abt smtg else than wat i wanted her to ask him. haa...i cnt do much though.. Just now...I was waiting for Ray.. Actually my real reason ws nt tat.. Bt yea.. i was waiting for her n while i was waiting..i was reading all the msgs tat he used to send me... N once i saw "dun worry baby..U will nt lose me again" I just cried... I couldnt just hold back my tears.. He msged me tat n nw look...i hv alredy lost u..was it my fault...?? T.T  All i want is answers..n wat were u to me if u fail to even give me tat..? Well..while i ws crying i received a call. It was Ray. She ws saying tat she ws outside at the general office, as i was talking n wiping my tears away, He was standing behind me! omg...tat closure at tat moment...just made my heart race so fast...Bt there were questions just running in my mind like "omg he's here! y is he here? did he wanted to talk to me??? did he wanted to say anything to me??? did the phone call just ruined everything???" Bt then..i dun noe.. i cnt just ask him! bt yea...i just continued to walk away...faking a smile cz i ws goin to meet my frens..

He called me.. He called my name!! At the canteen! aft skul! omg..i tot i ws just hearing things bt NO he was really calling me!! i cn still hear it in my head "Nish...Nish....NISH! " then i ws like "huh??" wait did he just...call me..? Bt hey! dun get to excited. read till the end. Well me n Ray had ntg much to do today aft skul. So we decided to stay arnd for awhile. During then.. He was having NCC. Do u believe tat..i was actually being his girlfrend in my mind..? i was like thinking as if i went to buy 100 plus.. n wait there for him to end NCC..cz he looked so tired.. n i ws even imagining tat he came to the canteen to say "hi baby, :)" then he'll be drinking the 100 plus tat i bought for him..then i'll be replying him while he's drinking "yea hi baby..:) Wat time r u gonna end?" then he'll be like "i dun noe b, u want to go home first? i mean if u want to go u cn go :)" Then i'll be like "No! I'm goin to wait :) I love watching u doing these kind of stuff.. :)" Then he'll be asking "u sure u not tired b?" then i'll be like "No b :)" haaa...a perfect love story. TAT'S wen i got a msg tat said "Baby!! wait for me at the NCC room!!" i....i crashed down...T.T it was frm his girlfren. She ws suppose to send him the msg bt she sent it to the wrong number cz my name n his name both starts wit "Ni". T.T Ouch...it really hurt..really.. U noe tat tis morning! he ws having so much stomach ache tat i so knew it the moment i entered the canteen! The girl wanted to talk me n wen she came wit me she was saying "he's so stuborn right! Is he always like tat!?" n i was just listening. Untill she said he has been having it like for so long. N then she continued to walk! HELLO! i was like eermm i'm goin back to the canteen! I mean zhi wei shud hv panodol i was asking every single person tat i cn find to get medicine for him to eat T.T Finally i got menstrual panadol N i din care i just wanted him to drink it n i straight went the drink shop to buy him water! Cz i was getting more n more worried tat he was drinking frm water cooler. T.T all tis care was enough... Right before i cum back frm the drinks stall..he went to the parade ground.. I called him.. bt he nvr came. I nvr drank the water at all u noe..T.T i still hv it in my bag cz i ws still goin to ask him to atleast drink the water.. It's ok if u still want her b.. I mean even during ur NCC..i knew she ws goin to be there bt i din stay n look at u to see hw u behave wit her.. I stayed cz i've always enjoyed looking at u doing ur  NCC.. It's so stupid tat even aft all tat happened..i still...din suspect u.. bt tat msg..opened my eyes... T.T it's ok b.. i'm fine. Just go wit her. I;m just warning u abt one thing..be sure tat wat u tink she tinks of u is the truth before u go to her..

Let me just tell u one thing..Silence..is nt goin to help to solve anything. Nt anything at all. I cn be quiet all u want bt..will the things tat we wonder abt get solved..? If it wud then..be as quiet as u cn..n i'm just going to play along..

Stop staring at him for Freaking godsake!!!! T.T I'm such an asshole! Cnt i just distract my sight? Well.. anyway i tink wat nadia said was true..maybe it doesnt bother him...i mean there r times wen he looks sad n everything..bt..i cn totally see him laughing out wit frends more than me.. Maybe it just doesnt bother him as much it bothers me.. Okay, besides tat, i did smtg VERY stupid yesterday tat i din actually mention on yesterday's post. I..lied to Nadia tat i'm going to the toilet during D&T lesson..to see if he din forget to bring his PE attire. :P I noe im being ridiculous! Bt yea..i mean..it's my routine to check wether he brings them..n in the morning i din get to peek wether he wore the shirt inside so..i decided to go out to check :D N yea...i din seem to find him.. BT THEN, i saw him playing basketball at the back through the small gap frm the toilet!!!! I clearly understand tat i am NUTS.. bt i cnt resist it. Yea..bt anyway...the girl told me she's nw "routing" for Farhan -.-" Wic i dun give a damn abt ...bt i'm just worried abt him.. I mean..he still sits wit her..talks to her.. i wont be surprised if he gets back together wit her again..bt just saying tat...find sum1 who loves u both in the inside..AND the outside... nt who only pretends to love u outside n not in the inside..

You are Walking In the Rain.,
But You Feel Only Ur Eyes Getting Wet.,
That's the Pain Of True Love..


Hurting some one who really cares about you,
is as Easy as throwing stone in an Ocean...
...
But,
.....
Do you know that how deep does that stone goes?
"So think twice before you hurt someone.."


Please Dont ignore or avoid the person who really Have a true love on you ...
Because
It may make you feel worse when they learn to live without you and your memories !


The Hardest moment is not when u lose something
and
tears roll out of your eyes
but
its when u lose sumthing
and
still smile.


Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do..

Oh  My Freaking God!! Mean mean mean mean mean!!!! Hw much mean-er cn she get??? Seriously!! U just broke up like DAYS ago n u r telling me tat u r getting together wit ur Ex's Friend?????!! N u dare to even tell me tat ur ex is a dumbass to ME!? Wic it goes tat ur ex is also MY ex!! Ok i noe my post is very confusing bt yes! let me simplify it. She has a ex, wic is also my ex, n nw since she is nt together wit her ex anymore, like duh IT'S HER EX, anyway, she nw likes her Ex's friend, wic wud also be My ex's Friend. Get It?? Ok maybe i made it worse bt yea! u shud get it! By the way yes!! Like c'mon u brought me away frm there just to tell me tat "Hey! He's such a dumbass!". Hello!! WAT WAS TAT?? I mean let down my jaw sooo low tat it almost touched the floor n u still din shut up bt continued to say tat He is an asshole too!!? Bloody hell.... -.-" Ok ... if u really hate him tat much, pls dun act so cute n innocent in front of him. -.-" It's like u just told me tat he's stupid n stuff n even said tat u r alredy gettin together wit his friend bt once we're done talking u r like playing all lovey lovey wit him. U tink he's a bloody toy?? For your information, i din purchase him from Tampines Mall 'Toys r us' Two years ago! God... Well...Wat's the point of me being so protective against him..?  C'mon..he's keeping his promise to her tat he'll nt contact me anymore. Doesnt tat explains tat he is being loyal to her. Wic means tat he wants her... I noe... Bt...i just cnt pretend like everything is fine... I'm just...too stupid to realise the reality.. He's going to be wit her again n i'm goin to get hurt again n im going to write those things on my blog again n IT'S ALL JUST GOIN TO HAPPEN AGAIN. nt the part wen he came back to me of course.. Life is complicated..

It's just amazing of how she actually talks SO bad abt him behind his back n pretend as if there's ntg like tat at all infront of him. Sheeesh..she tinks i dun noe?? well no one cn be any dumber than tat then. C'mon! U told things abt him to my best friend, n still cn tink tat she wont tell me?? I dun care abt u. Bt pls..just dun tink he is too stupid too k..? U cn tink tat he's being all lovey dovey wit u ..bt ntg cn change hw dirty u r abt him in the inside.. I noe im stupid to say these. Cz even wen i am hurt Tis bad...I still tink abt him..Bt it's my feelings. N no one cn tell me hw i shud feel abt sum1 who i love... U noe one day.. U will realise sumthing..  Bt then..It just wudnt happened cz...i wont be arnd anymore...T.T my life is miserable bt my hope is unshakeable... Just pls..Pls dun play wit him. I noe he played wit two hearts..bt..he just wanted to fix the problem.. Bt he did it the wrong way.. He din noe k,!!?  n U dun hv to tell me abt HIM. I noe him MORE than u do. So pls, just save ur msgs to me. 

Y ? y me??? How did u hv the heart to do tis to me? I..i really tot u loved me..T.T Bt i was ntg. I nvr posted anything on my blog for a very long time..b'cz aft my last post..my life was lovely.. T.T I WS SO STUPID! i was too stupid to believe u! I tot u were mine..finally.. bt no. U were not mine at all. Wat i felt was right. I told u on friday tat i nvr felt i got u completely aft our break up last year.. N i was right. Tat's b'cz u were not. I loved u so much..T.T hw cud u be so unfaithful to me..? No matter hw much i gave u it was nt enough right..? U still needed another love.. Even when the girl asked to choose me or her..u promised her tat u'll nvr contact me again..T.T It hurt Nizam..T.T U said i wont lose u again...T.T Bt u nvr gave me urself in the first place.. I really wanted to be sum1 special to u...i really did..nt only nw..frm even 2 years ago...i love u.. bt u don't.. At least i had the guts to tell Greg right to his face tat Hey! i love Nizam. It wud hv hurt him. i noe it wud hv. Bt i ws being honest.. N i only had u in my heart. Bt u din hv the same guts.. U gave me up for her..T.T  U made me to lose to her. I'm a loser.. T.T in everything in my life..including ...love. 

Haaiizzz....i feel like i'm livin in my dream world....I dun noe wat's going on!! Bt...i like it. N i want it to stay the way it is... I just love it the way it is... I dun noe if he feels the same... One day, he wants me. Another day, he just wants us to be friends. Then, he wanted me nt to see him or talk to him anymore. After tat he said he just loves me. Wat am i to do??!! Bt nw..we're still sticking to the last one.. I just hope..really hope..tat he wont let me be alone again.. Bt at the same time..i tink i wont be surprised if he does.. Bt i dun wan him to.. AAHHH I DUN NOE!! all i noe nw is. I love him. Tat's it!