Omg...Just one last post...Today...is...11/8/2011....T.T

Oh..i tink u read my blog..U blocked me frm ur wall..Hw do u tink tat'll help...? I cn still see everything in her wall anyway.. well nvm..I dun wan to disturb u or ur life in any circumstances..I'm so sorry if my posts hurt u..Just erm..remove me frm ur fren's list on facebook. it's ok..I am no one to control u. Just yea..just remove me. N Tis will be also the last post tat u'll read in my blog... Like i told u..i dun wan to disturb u.. I cn always bury everything in my heart. I cn just nt let anything out in any places. Dun worry abt it. Bye..

U noe..on tat day..wen u left me for  the last time..Do u remember me crying for deleting the msgs u used to send me...? I could hv overcome u leaving me..bt..tat day...was just not the right moment..T.T Just tat morning i was so in love..n also very depressed abt deleting ur mgs..U even told me tat..u'll still msg me those things...N u'll be mine again...God..T.T It was just so hard... The next day...i wake up pretending as if it was all just a dream..trying to scroll through the old msgs to read ur gud baby msg T.T n i found none...It was just so hard.. Today..looking at u rubbing her head..just..it just scrapped off my heart..T.T u just...omg..i cnt type anymore...

Who am i to control ur independence..? I hv alredy been hurt enough..eventhough i am still hurt...It's ok.. I cn hide it. I hate to say tis..i'm nt swearing u or anything...bt..i really tink..U'll regret.. I dun noe y i'm saying tis..Maybe y i can actually be brave enough to say tis is b'cz ..i trully love u. N yea it's nt lovED it's love u. Bt yea I tink i dare to say tis is b'cz i challenge my love.. I noe it's true...very true. N i noe tat u hv done a  mistake by taking it for granted..I believe in the strength of my love.. I dun hv to do anything to make u regret..i wont do anything..Bt it'll happen...i dun noe y ...bt i really feel as if..u will feel it...tat's wat i've been always doing...i nvr do anything to make u feel my love for u..even wen u were nt wit me..i dun msg u , i dun talk to u abt deep things..i just be myself..n u felt it again urself..my love for u was different...i nvr expressed it through my facebook posts..i nvr advertised it to others..i nvr boasted abt it...n i nvr hurt u wit it...do u noe y..?Cz it was mine...god i'm getting teary..bt yes..it was entirely mine..i wud sit u anywer anytime..without holding ur hands without sitting side by side..bt i cn stay there for hours without even noticing it..I cn sit there just look at ur eyes while u talk n smile for hours n i cn still hate it wen the it's time to go home..Maybe tat's the reason y u left..Maybe b'cz u wanted it to be so freely known by others publically..Maybe tat's y u felt tat my love was nothing compared to the other... well..nvm abt it.... another thing is tat...i'll let u to see the least of me being happy.. Tis is nt my way of making u feel bad or anything..it's just hw i'm really feeling nw... 

STOP IT K! JUST STOP IT !! FREAKING STOP IT!!! T.T IT HURTS ALRITE! JUST B'CZ I DUN SHOW IT , IT DOESNT MEAN TAT I DUN FEEL IT T.T it really hurts...y cnt u do anything for me..? anything at all...Do u noe hw it felt wen u said tat it was just a joke...? I felt just grabbing u n slap u bt hug u at the same time...T.T  I told u nt to ever make tat sort of joke again...it hurt..u told me u'll nvr leave me again..though i noe u hv said it b4 bt u hv still left me..bt tis time..i still chose to believe u..T.T STUPID!!! STUPID ME!! TOO STUPID...T.T !! i've been hvg breakdown for 3 days...bt i nvr showed it... Cz i din want their relationship to be ruined again... i want him to be happy.. Is it so hard for u to do the same thing for me...? I'm nt asking u to cum to me..bt cnt u at least tell her..i cnt hurt nish anymore..cn we dun post things on walls n all..? cz it might hurt her... CNT U SAY TAT!! IS IT SO HARD FOR U TO GIVE UP LITTLE THINGS FOR ME?! i'm asking for little things...very little things...T.T U said a lot to me nizam....cn u recall them...? U took me up soo high.... Cn u imagine hw much it wud hurt...? wen u just drop me frm tat high...cn u imagine hw much pain it wud be...? U wont.. cz i nvr did tat u b4.. I  nvr brought u up soo high n let u down...in fact i took u in again n again cz i din want to see u hurt...T.T I nvr regretted taking u in even i wen i noe u wont be there for me.. I nvr regretted cz i had the chance to see u so happy for tat little moment tat u spend wit me.. It hurts...god...It hurts.... T.T wen u told me u r going to fight for our love..i was too happy...too happy...bt u gave me up again...Y Nizam....? y u nvr felt tat i'll be hurt...Wen u were wit me u left b'cz u thought abt it again n found tat she was hurt...She told me tat she have to take u away frm me..I nvr asked for u Nizam..Cz i tot love is nt supposed to asked...u din cum to me cz i asked u to cum...u felt it..u just came.. Y din u ever tink abt me wen u r wit her....?T.T hv u ever told her hw much hurt i wud hv been through...? I cnt take it!! I REALLY CANT ANYMORE!!! T.T i tried...god...i really tried...T.T i cnt...U nvr tink of me...tat's wat really hurts me... Nizam.....pls...too much...T.T i really just want to die..right nw...right here....god...

My baby is about to leave me again.... The reason y i write tis nw is b'cz..i wont be able to call him my baby anymore if he leaves...

All i cn say is just one thing, I got no freaking idea of wat's happening in my life. It's simply just clueless! I am clueless of my own life. Tis nvr happened to me..i mean..all tis while though i ws  being a complete emo girl n such bt i was aware of wat was goin on. Bt nw..i just dun noe. I really dun noe..bt i like it..:) i really do.. Like i said before.."He , who has the key , to my heart.." Tis post...was a very bad idea...i tink he found the key n he have also opened it n started to live inside again... I noe i might get hurt again. I noe i might go through it again. I noe i might fall down frm flying so high n hit myself so badly again. Bt i dun wan to chase him out of there...cz..i just want to see him doing wat he wants in the way tat he wants it, n in the place tat he chose to do it in... N i love keeping him in there...I just want things to stay..I dun even wish a second to move frm one to another...I want everything to stay..just the way it is...It's perfect the way it is.. I want it to stay..I cnt say anything at all...i just simply..love him..Tat's it..just love him... All wat i feel nw is just to hug him so closely to my heart n put him to sleep n just tell him tat everything's going to be fine... I just want him to stay there so calm..n nvr get out of my arms...I really just..love him... Sorry i cnt write more..I'm seriously all teary n stuff. byebye!

I still keep the msgs tat he used to send me early in the morning.. :) Though it's an old msg n i am nvr going to receive it again..Just looking at the msg the first thing wen i wake up just makes my day.. I may not be living in reality, Bt i noe hw it is in reality. No one is going to noe of wat i am doing in my "dream life" anyway.. Well..Many things happened these days..Nadia's pissed at him cz he picked her over their friendship n my care... Ray is also angry at him for revealing everything to her n allow her to be so judgmental abt our friendship....Jess is freaking pissed at her for sending those mgs to nadia N she asked me if she cud just punch her O.O wic yea i said she din do anything wrong..she just doesnt get the real thing. haa...Well..they just feel tat she's being such a hipokrit like infront of him n behind him...N she's a gud one indeed cz he believes her more than any of us.. There's ntg much we cn do anymore anyway.. I'm just letting her be.. C'mon, hw long cn she hold on..n hw long cn HE hold on? We will be still staying arn long enough to find out everything..so we just might as well stay patient n enjoy the show... Nt for the part wen he might get hurt pf course...,might, N yes it will be very uncomfortable for me..Anyway back to the topic. Yea, my frens r really angry at her tat they asked me nt to move frm the table anymore. They feel tat..tat is "our" table n stuff..so they just said..we'll let them both sit together n we all just move to another place.. I dun feel good abt it though...:( I mean..the group tat has been stayed together for years nw has to be separated n leave out one member together wit it...T.T just dun feel gud.. Another one thing tat i find weird is tat wenever he breaks up, she doesnt wan it, bt suddenly wen he doesnt wan it she wants it . I noe right. it's confusing. Well just let it be...I noe her motive like duh. Bt yea..just gonna let her do watever she wants..since the most important person just does not give a damn to believe..rrrghh!

Oh n smtg else happened. Zhi an found out abt all the things tat she ws telling me n nadia abt him. N he ws like asking me wether i've alredy told everything to him..Bt yea i said no. I said tat it's all going to be over anyway...
So yea..i just hope she stops..N she was SO pissed wen she saw me sitting wit him at the benches. N yea all of a sudden she was asking him if he'll leave her n things..I dun noe..I just leave it.. I just dun noe hw to explain e whole thing..Bt ppl arn cn understand it just by looking at it.. 

I just dun noe wat's goin on..Tis morning..i talked to him. I made everything clear to him.. I told  him everything tat happened.. Bt yea..i still din tell him watever she told nadia n stuff. Bt nvm.. I just dun wan him to get more hurt.. I tried warnings...i just hope he doesnt go so much into anything n then he gets hurt so badly n stuff...Well..he just kissed my forehead before he left..T.T it just got me in all tears n stuff... Anyway..he was sending me home again today..i gave him back the kaychain cz i din want to live in false hopes wen he told me tat..they r together again... So..i just felt tat.he might want to tink again of wat he gave me..n y he gave me it... Bt surprisingly...he actually dropped it back into my bag wen we were in the bus.. He just msged to look into my side pocket n asked me to keep it safely.. God...tears just well up my eyes... I just couldnt say anything anymore..b'cz..i ws unable to say wat i really wanted to say..T.T N it was nt a tank q...